In case you haven't had caffeine yet, THIS should wake you up!
You might be wondering why in the world I am posting a photo of a lumpy, misshapen knitted thing made from leftovers.
To me, this is what my first draft felt like. The pattern is the Ten Stitch blanket (Ravelry link). If you look through the finished projects for that pattern, there are many stunning examples of blankets worthy of an interior design photoshoot. Most of those finished objects probably started out like mine. Kind of wobbly, perhaps not exactly the right color combination. You get the idea. Just like a good blocking helps to properly finish a knitted item, good editing and revisions and lots of feedback from people you trust helps to properly finish a book.
The hard part (for me, anyway) is to let people see first drafts, the wobbly beginnings. When I first went through a Critique in Art School, I thought I was going to die. The anticipatory dread of what other people might think kept me awake the night before. That's the worst part, really. The nasty voice in your head that convinces you that you'll surely FAIL and be shunned, so why even try? Go back to bed and give up. What makes you think you can paint/draw/write/dance/knit (fill in your own blank, here) anyway? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? (That's my particular inner dragon, by the way. Yours may not shout quite so loudly.)
What I learned in Art School, and in all the years before and after, is that it takes courage, and lots and lots of practice to show up in front of other people and take out your artwork and wait for their response. To truly hear what they are saying (not just pick out the ONE negative comment and dwell on that) and take it as constructive criticism and keep working. Start by showing your work to people you trust, and ask them to be honest about how you can make it better. Be the person that other artists can trust and give helpful, encouraging feedback.
Was it any easier to send out the first draft of the book, having given myself the above pep talk? Heck, NO! The only way to get over it, though, was to do it anyway. Push "send" and then start knitting a really comforting and mindless blanket with the scraps and leftovers from other projects. One stitch at a time, knitting soothes my inner dragon. It checks in to see if there is any trouble to stir up, sees me knitting and toddles off for a nice nap.
Remind me of this when I am days away from sending the manuscript to the Publisher and the dragon is chasing me around demanding to know (WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?) why I am doing such a stupid thing....
This blanket, in all of its wonky glory, may distract it long enough for me to submit my first book.
Stay tuned.
xox
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