lifelong knitter

Ten years on...

Ten years ago, so many things changed.

As many of you know, the father of my children was in the Towers when they went down on that fateful day. We had not been married for many years, but I had worked hard to try and keep the relationship strong and open for my children to someday have their own relationships with him.

My own father died that year, two months and four days after 9.11.

Yesterday was my youngest child's birthday, his 27th. He has made so much progress, and is such a source of inspiration to me. He now talks to his father on the phone on a regular basis and that in and of itself is a small miracle.

I am going to repost my original tribute, as I think it still rings true: 

 

This day finds me deeply conflicted. I share a birthday and a point of view with Ghandi. It is a beautiful day, clear blue sky, just as it was on that other September eleventh. The father of my children was in the Towers that morning. Working. Due to a miraculous confluence of events he was thirty feet ahead of the falling debris. He turned around and went back in. We did not hear from him for three days. The children KNEW with a certainty I cannot explain,that he had somehow survived.That he was Working. When the call finally came this is what he said when I asked him what we could do:

"Do the work that needs to be done. Kiss the kids for me. I have to go back in and dig."

He went back in and hauled more body parts in buckets. Searched futilely for any signs of life. Worked round the clock shifts until he was forced to stop. Took a shower, got a few hours rest. Could barely breathe due to injuries he sustained....Kept working anyway. Finally accepted the orders to cease the rescue efforts and called in the bulldozers. Kept working anyway. Filled out the paperwork at the doctor's office and waited in line to discover the extent of his own wounds. Went right back to work. Got a new tatoo. It says NEVER FORGET.

This is the work he is CALLED to do. It is difficult, dangerous,heart wrenching work. He loves it. If you are wandering through your lifedoing something you hate, or maybe just tolerate....coming home and dulling the pain with your drug of choice....wondering if there is some purpose to life. YES. Whatever it is that you understood you were born to do when you were still too young to "know better"....If somewhere deep in your heart you KNOW are a writer or a painter or a teacher or a healer......maybe a firefighter or an ER doc....Go forth into the world and "do the work that needs to be done".

My response to him was:

"Ten-four DUDE, you're a HERO! straight up."

Blessings to you and yours, as always.

Filled with the spirit of Grace

My Father used to always tease me and say "Well, there's a REASON your middle name isn't Grace!".

According to the naming convention he used (yes, geeksters, a naming convention. I come by it honestly.) there was a high probability that my middle name would have, in fact, been Grace.

After Grace Beekhuis Bell, one of the first women to become Dean of a Medical School, which would later become UC Irvine (see history in the 1960s). As is my way, I aspired to be filled with the spirit of Grace. 

Yesterday I had two amazing conversations which prompted me to realize that the Universe is reminding me to write about how and why I choose Grace as my guiding principle.

First, I had the great privilege of interviewing a rather famous geneticist for a work project. It was one of the most inspiring conversations I have had in a very long time. He encourages his students to always question the underlying assumptions and continue to discover what it is that they are PASSIONATE about. Driven by the burning questions he needs to solve....he refuses to allow himself to be bored. He told me that he has a reputation for being a Contrarian, and then proceeded to explain why it was necessary to play that role in a world where "we've always done it that way" has become SOP. He graciously gave me an hour of his precious time, and I hope there will be further opportunities to brainstorm and collaborate with him.

Later in the afternoon, I was still swooning over the rarified air I had been breathing, and met my dear Daughter and one of her support network professionals to map out the plan for moving things to the new house. We drew maps, took pictures, and measured. There will be a spreadsheet. At one point, she turned to me, teary, and said "You are the Star Trek Mom! Boldly going where no one else goes...." Daughter was in the other room, and came skipping out to say how much she LOVES the new place.

I'd like to think Grace would be proud.

Namaste.

The more things change...

The better I get at handling change.

Daughter bird is moving to a sweet little house in my Village! I could NOT be more excited! She will be close enough, and yet, independent.

I have to share a couple of stories as we are getting ready for the big move...

First, a knitting story:

The day before Hurricane Irene, she wanted a knitting project *for when the power goes out*. Which it DID, in her current neighborhood, for almost 12 hours. She had batteries and a fully stocked emergency kit, and a charged cell phone, of course....

So I cast on to lovely wooden needles with beautiful organic cotton yarn and took the project to her apartment. She hasn't knit in more than five years, but just took her time to remember, and was happily making progress by the time I headed home.

Fast forward to this week...the text message on my phone said *need a new knitting project*!

I had to take some paperwork by her apartment, so I got some more cotton from the stash and headed over. She greeted me at the door with a scarf on the needles. 

DB: Can you do the cast off and sew it into a mobius? I want to give this as a birthday present to A, mother of Z, who should not have an unsecured scarf while riding her bike to work. I'd like credit for the knitting and the idea, but tell her you did the cast on and cast off and the sewing?That way it will be from BOTH of us. Oh, and you can pick out the card?

Me: Sure! I know she will love it.

DB: I think I just figured out why knitting is actually therapeutic. When my hands are busy my ideas are clearer.

Me: I agree!

DB: Thanks for bringing me another project already cast on. I think it is a metaphor for how we do things. You like the ideas and the getting it finished, and I like the process of doing it at my own pace.

Me: WOW! That's brilliant!

DB: No, actually that is logic. Did you bring the paperwork for me to sign?

This just blew my mind. She is getting better at setting her boundaries, and figuring out that at her own pace is the key to less anxiety and more productive work. YeeHAW!

The second story involves her needing to use my laptop to do an online job application....

Me: okay, the laptop is ready for you.

DB: Thanks Mom. Can you get to the actual job I need to apply for and upload my resume? The website is REALLY frustrating.

Me: sure....(took me 20 minutes to get to the actual part time job...another 5 to get the system to *accept* the resume) frustrating, indeed!

DB: Really? You think it is frustrating, too?

Me: Oh yes, I don't think it is organized very well.

DB: Okay, now I need you to not sit next to me while I do the application and take the test. That might be cheating.

Me: Yep. I'll sit on the couch and knit.

DB: I'm going to knit after I am done with this, you know, to calm down.

Me: That's a great idea!

DB: (20 minutes in to the 2 hour process) These multiple choice test questions are funny. The answers they WANT always have the words TELL YOUR MANAGER in them. It must be hard for the managers to get any work done if everybody is always asking them questions and telling them stuff they already know. I do NOT want to be a Manager!

Me: Yes, they probably want you to follow the procedures.

DB: I always follow the rules. I'll just ask my manager to write them down. That way we will both get more work done!

Me: That's true.

DB: (at the end of the test) Okay, I am pushing SUBMIT now. I can't wait to start work! Do you think I will need to go in tomorrow?

Me: Well, I am pretty sure they will have to review the application and do the background check and call you after that....

DB: You mean, more WAITING?

Me: Yes.

DB: Let's KNIT.

Me: Oh YES, let's!

DB: Hey, MOM?

Me: Uh-hunh...

DB: No disrespect meant,  I'm really happy to be moving to the Village, but not back with you.

Me: No  disrespect taken. I'm really happy about it, too.

DB: Whew! Glad that's off my chest.

Me: I think I'll head home now and watch Uncle Jon on TV.

DB: Thanks for the help with the laptop. I think mine is clogged.

Me: CLOGGED?

DB: Yeah, I try to slow down so it can keep up, but you know, Windows is just SO SLOW.

Me: I know. Maybe we can get you an ipad for the fast thinking part and you can just use the Windows for the work stuff.

DB: I don't want the one, the new one, with the skype stuff. That's too much like talking on the phone.

Me: Okay....so you want the first generation one?

DB: Haha, that's redundant!

Me: Yes.

DB: Thanks Mom, Love you!

Me: Love you too, sweetheart!

On the drive home, I just marveled. The child who was never going to have a meaningful conversation or be able to ask questions? She can run circles around those *experts*! She is finding her way in a confusing world that doesn't really make sense to her. She would like fewer meetings, clearly defined rules that everybody follows, buses that run on time, and a little kindness.

Is that too much to ask?

Namaste.