lifelong knitter

Learning to slow down....

Truth be told, I'm bored with this whole *relaxing* gig.

I LIKE going fast, doing twenty gazillion things at once and wearing my superhero Inventrix pajamas. 

I  am reminded however, of a theme throughout the original Star Trek series.

(Trekkies, please forgive me. I am going to paraphrase here, not quote directly from, nor name the Episode numbers. I'm trying to relax, remember?)

Warp speed is necessary and available for use in critical moments when the fate of the Starship Enterprise appears to  be doomed...

but Scottie, bless his Scottish heart, is stingy with the use of the Warp Speed.

"I cannot hold her Captain,she's about to blow..."

Invariably, some important function of the Enterprise has to be sacrificed for the brief burst of speed necessary to escape the (fill in the villain blank) or avert the Disaster.

I, like Captain Kirk, want to be able to use the transporter, talk on my communicator, tweet my location, and knit 25 rows, all before breakfast while feasting on the New York Times.

I've made some progress, of course, because I'm competitive like that.

I am adhering to my schedule of turning off all electronic devices at 8pm.

I am limiting my consumption of Media and Information on the Internet to Work hours.

I am stopping to smell the roses and drink in the Sunrise.

It is pleasant enough, but like every July, I am craving Back to School.

Crisp, cool mornings, the change of seasons, the buying of new books, the delicious prospect of learning something new....

Turning off the Racing Brain, or at least letting it idle, is proving to be possibly the hardest thing I've ever attempted.

That, my friends, is the news from here.

Hope you are well and feeling fine.

All Blessings to you and yours,

Namaste.

xox

Beginnings

Lessons from Week One:

My brain is always racing.  I'm learning to observe that now, and notice.  I can notice that there is a frantic search for something to react to, and then choose NOT to participate.  It is an odd, slightly *out of body* experience to know that the way I have always done things in the past is no longer relevant.  I am noticing my breathing, and learning to slow it down and take long, calm, deep breaths.  It feels strangely boring to want to be so calm. The cycle start again...*this is boring, let's go find something to DO*....I am learning to just BE instead of always having to DO, and do MORE.

Work affords me plenty of opportunities for high level, complex, analytical thinking. I can learn to be finished with work and transition into relaxation. Easier said than done. I had no idea how little time I spend *actually* relaxing until I started keeping track. Knitting is now simple shapes in beautiful yarn, nothing to concentrate on or figure out or keep track of....and only ONE project at a time. Such a totally different experience. Not entirely to my liking just yet, but I can see the value in learning to BE calm.

I worry about wasting time. Instead of my usual manic multi-tasking, I am trying to learn to do one thing at a time and BE in the moment. Fully present, fully aware of what it means to BE.HERE.NOW.

The most important lesson of this week has been the light/sleep connection.  All artificial light outside of Natural Light hours robs me of quality sleep.  I'm limiting myself to an hour of Internet time a day outside of work.  What an amazing difference. All electronic devices are placed in their cradles at 8pm to recharge so that I can have an hour to wind down and get ready to SLEEP.  The first two days I was frantic about my email or my cell phone or my bloglines feed. I'm slowly letting go of the need to check and recheck all of the time. It is harder than I thought it would be.  I am not checking email at 5AM. It can wait. I am not answering my cell phone if I am in the middle of something else. It takes messages.

I am knitting before bedtime instead of knitting AND reading AND checking emails, newsfeeds, blogs and messages, while talking on the phone.... I'm having an easier time falling asleep.

STAYING asleep is not going so well.  I'm waking myself up at least four or five times a night. I guess I knew I wasn't sleeping well, but until I started keeping track, I really had no idea.  The pain flares and I wake up. Mostly though, it is my brain, racing around, worrying about what will happen if I don't do all of the things I should be DOING....aha.  I'm never quite getting to the deep restorative sleep cycle that I really need.

The study I am participating in at DUKE is focused on sleep quality and whether that impacts the quality of life for Fibromyalgia patients.  I'm hypothesizing that YES, there is a direct correlation.

I hope, if you are reading this and thinking it sounds familiar, that sharing my experience will be productive and useful. At the very least, I find if I write things down, it is one less thing for my hungry brain to chew on.

Blessings to you and yours,

as always.

xox

Namaste.