Beginnings

Lessons from Week One:

My brain is always racing.  I'm learning to observe that now, and notice.  I can notice that there is a frantic search for something to react to, and then choose NOT to participate.  It is an odd, slightly *out of body* experience to know that the way I have always done things in the past is no longer relevant.  I am noticing my breathing, and learning to slow it down and take long, calm, deep breaths.  It feels strangely boring to want to be so calm. The cycle start again...*this is boring, let's go find something to DO*....I am learning to just BE instead of always having to DO, and do MORE.

Work affords me plenty of opportunities for high level, complex, analytical thinking. I can learn to be finished with work and transition into relaxation. Easier said than done. I had no idea how little time I spend *actually* relaxing until I started keeping track. Knitting is now simple shapes in beautiful yarn, nothing to concentrate on or figure out or keep track of....and only ONE project at a time. Such a totally different experience. Not entirely to my liking just yet, but I can see the value in learning to BE calm.

I worry about wasting time. Instead of my usual manic multi-tasking, I am trying to learn to do one thing at a time and BE in the moment. Fully present, fully aware of what it means to BE.HERE.NOW.

The most important lesson of this week has been the light/sleep connection.  All artificial light outside of Natural Light hours robs me of quality sleep.  I'm limiting myself to an hour of Internet time a day outside of work.  What an amazing difference. All electronic devices are placed in their cradles at 8pm to recharge so that I can have an hour to wind down and get ready to SLEEP.  The first two days I was frantic about my email or my cell phone or my bloglines feed. I'm slowly letting go of the need to check and recheck all of the time. It is harder than I thought it would be.  I am not checking email at 5AM. It can wait. I am not answering my cell phone if I am in the middle of something else. It takes messages.

I am knitting before bedtime instead of knitting AND reading AND checking emails, newsfeeds, blogs and messages, while talking on the phone.... I'm having an easier time falling asleep.

STAYING asleep is not going so well.  I'm waking myself up at least four or five times a night. I guess I knew I wasn't sleeping well, but until I started keeping track, I really had no idea.  The pain flares and I wake up. Mostly though, it is my brain, racing around, worrying about what will happen if I don't do all of the things I should be DOING....aha.  I'm never quite getting to the deep restorative sleep cycle that I really need.

The study I am participating in at DUKE is focused on sleep quality and whether that impacts the quality of life for Fibromyalgia patients.  I'm hypothesizing that YES, there is a direct correlation.

I hope, if you are reading this and thinking it sounds familiar, that sharing my experience will be productive and useful. At the very least, I find if I write things down, it is one less thing for my hungry brain to chew on.

Blessings to you and yours,

as always.

xox

Namaste.

Comments

[sUsAn]

Reading of your experiences is so helpful to me. I am a major multitasker and know I would benefit from just doing one thing at a time too. I will be reading with interest...as always! Thanks for sharing, Greta!

[greta]

Thanks Susan! Lovely to hear from you, as always! xox

[Amy Santamaria]

I'm a lurker, but I always enjoy your blog and your optimistic outlook on life. Your post today, especially the part about the light/sleep connection, made me think of a great book I read called Lights Out: Sugar Sleep and Survival. (no affiliation, I just liked it) You might want to check it out. Your plan to shut down communication at 8 is awesome and right in line with what they talk about. I'm still working towards that!

Thank you for continuing your blog despite a difficult diagnosis, that can't be easy. I always look forward to your posts.

Amy

[greta]

Thanks Amy! I will put that book on my list!

[Gina Likins]

Good heavens, Greta -- the hamsters (in the brain, the bisybisybisy ones). Oh, that's been my struggle for so long. I think you hit what, for me, has been the hardest part, which is *letting* go of needing the hamsters for company. Needing to be busy, needing to runrunrun, needing to feel "productive." Or, to phrase it in a way that's more helpful: feeling like the getting-18-things-done-at-once *is* productive and is the work of _value_, rather than sitting with the one thing you are doing and doing it well (even if the thing is sitting).

Really good post. Was feeling all bad for not getting enough *done* today, but it's because I've been really letting the things I'm doing speak to me. :-)

[greta]

Thanks Gina!
Ive made so much progress since this post...
It is a long journey to unlearn well established patterns,
but SO worth it!
xoxox