I can't stand it

I just HAVE to POST again today.
After reading Em's comment I realized I have a lot to confess.
Perhaps you share some of these experiences, perhaps not.
Please bear with me. I'm knitting myself a whole new life and there
aren't any directions. I'm winging it here.
My whole life I've been told that the Things I LOVE to do, the Knitting, the drawing, the painting, the dancing, the Music, and most especially the THINKING about Things, is a Waste of TIME. I'm USELESS. When are you going to get a Real Job, dear? One we can brag to our friends at the Country Club about?
I've absorbed that message so totally and completely that I used it to describe myself while I was scared about being a Not Good Enough MOMMY, the most important job I've ever had.
Thanks Em, for being a Real Friend of the highest order and pointing that out to me.

I went to the Printer today and saw my sculpture (which is, by the way, a knitted self portrait, in WIRE...) on the Preview Screen. I burst into tears. He made it So Beautiful. The Absolutely Impossible Object To Photograph (and believe me, after five rolls of my own film and several rather excellent professional photographers...I had given up...)was THERE in Living Color. In Three Dimensions. O.M.G.
He went on for a few minutes about the complexity of the sculpture, how it had delighted him to photograph it. We both agreed that the Final Product was amazing. He's a genius. Truly.
I got over myself long enough to start breathing again, and then he showed me the Print proof of the Labyrinth Painting. This is to be the cover of the book I am writing about my journey with the Children who are Autistic.
THERE. I said it out loud. Lightning did not strike.
He marvelled at the subtlety of color and texture and I started to feel....well....a little better about actually showing these things in public.
Last, but certainly NOT least, was the Angel of Color Theory. She is the side wing of my Triptych (made completely from found objects) Shrine, dedicated to the patron Saint of WOmen Painters, St. Catherine of Bologna. The Angel herself is "about" the radical concept that Women are People. Regardless of their social status or sexual orientation. If you are here in this world, it is because a Woman gave birth to you. I don't understand why this is such a difficult concept to grasp.
I immediately started to list the flaws, things I would do differently the next time I painted an Angel for Public Consumption. He flipped on his screen, cranked up the resolution and put on a filter and began lecturing me on the AMAZING subtleties of this artist who had painted her so delicately, so carefully, with WHAT, one or two hairs of a teensy tiny brush on a little piece of found wood already attached to a shrine...and LOOK how beautiful this color is...right HERE..this Artist he said, must Really Know Something about ANGELS.
Yes.
As a matter of fact, I do.
A legion of them left me comments and emails over the last few months, when clearly I was blathering on about my Very Odd Life.
THANK YOU.
May the Blessings be returned to you a thousand fold.

Comments

[annie]

Brava Greta, a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing :)

[Kathleen]

I am so happy to hear that the printer was able to beautifully portay your art. No doubt, Greta it was easily done. :)

I look forward to your book. You have been on this journey longer than me...your wisdom has been calming in the uncertainty of autism. I am anxious to see your Labyrinth painting. Often, I can't find the words to describe the complexity of autism. I am not sure there are enough words if I even could.

[alison]

xoxo

[Nathania]

Greta, my sweet, dear, precious friend, not only do you know about angels, you are one. Your angelic nature has touched me across this great distance and I feel your gentle presence in my life daily. It's my honor.

[Rachael]

this is lovely, darling. Just like you, and just like our Em.

[Em/Michelle]

*sniff* You're amazing. Truly.

[Gina]

Hurrah! I can't wait to see the beautiful things you've made! All my best -

[Kim]

Books, sculptures, paintings, angels. My dear girl, I am in continuous awe of the gifts you have inside you, and I thank the dear Lord for your sharing these gifts with us so very freely.
xxoo