lifelong knitter

Hard Freeze

Overnight, the temperatures dropped, as they were predicted to do, into the killing frost zone. The gorgeous pink japanese magnolia blossoms just outside of my kitchen window are now an awful shade of brown. By this afternoon, most of them will be reduced to mush, fallen forlornly on the ground.
When I was studying for my Master Gardener certification, I did an internship with an internationally famous plantswoman. Twas an amazing experience, watching her pollinate (by HAND, with a teeny tiny painbrush) an entire greenhouse filled with her propagation efforts gleaned from a single cutting.
She gave me some wonderful advice, which at the time I didn't want to hear. (Isn't that always the way?)
"There are two short weeks of the year, here in the Carolinas", she told me, gently, "when being in your garden is the most heavenly, breathtaking thing you will ever experience. The rest of the year is a never ending Heartbreak."
I'm off to spend the day with researchers and therapists in a building where the windows overlook the parking lot. Today that is a Good Thing.

Those Indigo Girls

The new CD is amazing. I had to drive around the block an extra time just to hear the last bits of track 3. This is such a TENDER album, just what I need to listen to these days, to help me through this transitional time. Of course it also makes me smile that I bought the album in my City by the Bay, in the place I'd never even KNOWN about had it not been for the daughter bird, while I was giggling with Rachael about something, and then later listening to it with Ann until the shouts from the backseat had us singing Down By The Bay (where the watermelons grow....) instead. Such great memories, and as I was telling the story at the birthday party yesterday (to the gasps of "you met them ONLINE?") of the train trip and the WONDER of it all in general, I saw the eyes begin to glaze over and I giggled to myself....of course, I corrrected myself, this kind of trip is not for everybody....*hee*
Thinking, later last night, about the power of serendipity, I flipped on the telly to check out the tournament, and was instead greeted by Dr. Wayne Dyer on my local PBS station, saying "the people you need will show up JUST when you need them if your connection to your SOURCE is clean and uncorroded..." He went on to quote Carlos Casteneda, Max Planck, and Albert Einstein. Now THERE's a dinner party guest list....
Which reminded me to tell you the story of my excitement in Chicago when I got to see the actual studio (with work in progress) where This American Life is taped.....kewl beyond words. I was hopping up and down, taking pictures and giggling....Daughter bird was very patient with me...I can be SO silly, sometimes!
Go visit our birthday girl and make a big fuss....Hey, EM, mwah!

No Sweat!

I've got one leg done...I'm using the Waterfall colorway of Lion Brand Homespun....and loving it. (Any Maxwell Smart fans out there? *hee*) MY team is out of the Madness that is March, but the other games were JUST exciting enough to keep me on the couch, knitting. Like I NEED a reason.....uh hunh.
I'm a pushover for the up close and personal stories...Flores from Manhatten who grew up in the Dominican Republic, playing baseball....moved to Washington Heights to live with his grandparents. Never having even SEEN a basketball, he learns to shoot baskets into a milk crate in the basement because it is SNOWING outside and too cold to play his beloved baseball. sigh. Pass the tissues, please.
We're off to a birthday party today. 'Tis one of those blusterey March days that makes my eyes water and my nose sneeze...that's IT really, I'm NOT crying (much). In a few weeks I'll be living in Pollen Nation...thank GOD I have all of these unfinished objects and unsolved problems to work on...*heh*.
Pictures, you say? Why aren't there any pictures? Well, truth be told, my eyes are not as far along in the healing process as I had hoped. Transferring everything to the mac has been fabulous, and I love, love, LOVE being Back (in mac). Except for one teeny, tiny glitch. I can't focus well enough to read the manual for my digital camera and figure out how to get it to speak to the mac. I tried leaving them alone together for the afternoon, even played some soothing music and dimmed the lights, but they just aren't interested in communicating. A trip to the eye doctor and the Apple store (in that order) are on the crazy/busy Get Back to Real Life as we know it schedule for this week.
Oh, and the Good News for the day? Tasha has officially outlived her dire prognosis as of today and is still smiling and sweet (albeit at a MUCH slower pace) and sleeping on my feet in front of the fire. Life is sweet and the Blessings are abundant, if you know where to look.
So May it BE.

SPRING has SPRUNG!

Every year since I moved away from my beloved Pacific Ocean I wonder whether I am going to "make it" until Spring. When I moved HERE, it was only after a visit in MAY, when the azaleas were in bloom, not a percentage of humidity in sight. In hindsight, of course, it was exactly the right move to make, at the right time. I swore then, whatever it took to help my children have the possibility of reaching their fullest potentials as human beings, THAT's what I would do, regardless of the personal sacrifice. I actually said out loud, that even if I had to be TOTALLY miserable for ten years, I KNEW it was the right place for them.....and for ME, as their Mother. The recent trip has affirmed my decision, and given me a tremendous feeling of closure. I did (and am doing) the right thing...and now it is SPRING! Outside my kitchen window there is a japanese magnolia tree, and behind that a weeping cherry, both fairly bursting with PINKness at the moment. The sweetness of new growth GREEN is enough to make me want to go on for PAGES and bore you silly with Horticultural Latin...but I shall refrain.
I'm taking my knitting outside this afternoon, after walking with the Daughter bird to her job at the library. Which, OH, reminds me...on the train between Chicago and Washington D.C. we were in a train car filled with librarians from the National Archives. (can't you just IMAGINE?) They were SO fabulous, and encouraging to the Daughter as to the merits of BEING a librarian. It was SO MUCH FUN! Synchronicity abounds on this marvellous journey we are all on together....Happy Spring!

Sunshine on My Shoulders...

Makes me Happy! Buoyed by the amazing comments and supportive emails, I'm bop bop boppin' along this morning. It is so nice to know that I can show up in my jammies, say what I think, and be accepted. I still have a Mountain of paperwork to climb, and all kinds of other challenges to address, but when it comes right down to it, Acceptance makes it All so much easier....
Which is why I am now up to my knees in Homespun. YEP. I started the No-sweat pants last night during the basketball games. I had four skeins left over (ahem) from the Wonderful Wallaby and as soon as I saw the picture in IK, my brain screamed ENSEMBLE! (A mind that screams at you in French is a terrible thing to waste, non?) I was sort of embarrased to admit it, but Homespun knits up really fast, is the perfect MINDLESS sports-watching fiber (you can wash the red wine you spilled on it right OUT if you jump up to rave at a ref....)AND the completed garment is machine-washable, can be SLEPT in, and the colorway I'm doing was scored for 2 bucks a skein...let's see, that means the pants will come to a grand total of eight bucks. The whole outfit under 20. Which kinda balances out for the Rowan stash......
RATIONALIZATION?! You betcha. My specialty. When I was in Monterey, I went to Pacific Grove to visit Monarch Knits (and the FABULOUS Public Library kitty korner across the street...) and bought, um, a few things. Including, but not limited to, some amazing Lantern Moon needles. I put them on the counter and said (a little too brightly) "I left my Denise needles at my girlfriend's house and I NEED these." Whereupon we all dissolved into giggles. It is a small shop, crammed with goodies floor to ceiling, and six knitters, plus the owner,collapsed in giggles all at once, makes for chaos. Wiping the tears from her eyes, the shop owner said I won the prize for the best Knitting Rationalization of the week. I kvelled. Really. One of the gorgeous things about this whole experience is that several days later, when I was teaching an eight year old to knit...I gifted her with those amazing needles and a ball of Kashmir...start 'em out RIGHT, I say....she was knitting herself to sleep that very night!
Which brings me back to my original revelation, which is that the KNITTING is the thing. I have been known to knit with chopsticks and string (it can be done, and the resulting little tote bag is great for buying oranges) when the going got tough. My Thesis in art school was knit from copper wire on metal needles I made myself. I woke up the other night wondering what could be knit with earworms if you could CATCH the silly little things....
It has always been my therapy, my THING (to quote the Daughter bird). As Pooh and piglet discovered however, it's SO much friendlier with TWO...
Thank you, dear friends, for rowing your little boats into the circle with me and knitting by the light of the moon....Makes Me HAPPY!
This really is funny, because I sat down at this keyboard this morning, all prepared to whine about my email account miseries and LORD knows, I can't even remember what else, but I read the comments *just ONE more time* to cheer myself up and I completely forgot my list of woes. Lake Woebegone, indeed.
Oh and ONE MORE THING...
Little cabin in the woods
Danger Girl by the window stood
Saw a knitter
passing by
Happy as could be...
HELP ME! HELP ME!
The knitter cried
I just need a place to HIDE...
Come little rabbit
come inside,
I'll take care of you....
(My deepest apologies to the writer of this most wonderful fingerplay song...but it needs to be our
Secret Handshake, dontcha think?)

Dreaming

I'm having a terrible time with this whole re-entry thing....and keep Dreaming about my Knitting/Coffee/Book Shop. I have ALWAYS done this. There are two kinds of narratives that my mind creates. The first is the STORY...in which I create intricate plots about people, places, and things...mostly to amuse myself and to avoid the Spectre of Boredom. I see something (anything will do, really) and my knee jerk *I wonder what that's about* button gets pushed, and a story begins to spin. Of course, as a child (and as recently as two weeks ago), I was constantly *reminded* of the difference between fantasy and reality, and the DANGER of blurring the distinction. Never worked. I like to make up stories for my own amusement, play with words, giggle at my own jokes. I don't share these stories with many people, because of the dire warnings I always heard about what *might they THINK, dear* (shudder). GOD forbid, that I coould actually have the power to make people THINK, when they would never do that sort of thing on their own....can't have THAT, now can we? When I do tell a story, though, there are two responses. The first is a glazing over of the eyes, a patting of my head, and the inevitable SIGH. "That's nice, dear, but you really MUST accept the REALITY of the situation" (or some other random permutation of the nose to the grindstone view of life). The other response is terrific. The person usually checks to see if anyone is listening, lowers their voice (just in case) and says REALLY? You MADE that up? Can you do it again? For ME?(I'm sure you see the Knitting simile here...) Anywoooo, the OTHER kind of Dreaming is even scarier to those who wish not to THINK of the possibilities....and so I protect it even closer to my heart. This is the Goal oriented dream. I can *see* the finished project in its entirety, in 4 dimensions, and in color. I can rotate it for a better view, zoom in on the details, smell the smells....sigh. I thought everybody did this all the time until I went to school and learned the *proper* ways to think and solve problems....
The desire to push DELETE this Post and start over are strong. I just have to get it out of my system, though.
I have seen my future and it is a little log cabin with comfy chairs and floor to ceiling bookcases. A counter for coffee and baskets of yarn. Knitting and laughing with literate, like-minded Dreamers....
Here's my PROBLEM:
There is a sign over the front door and I can't quite make out what it says.
What shall I call it, dear readers?

Spring Fever

Top o the mornin to y'all....wearin' yer Green I hope?
Overnight my internal clock reset itself. The germination season is officially over and ideas have begun to sprout and run rampant...like kudzu! Yipes, where to start?
Should I be a good girl (for once) and finish all the absolutely fabulous woolie things I've already started and purchased yarn for...OR....shall I relegate those to the Rubbermaid containers marked *out of season* and begin the slinky tape and cotton knitting more appropriate to the coming Spring and Summer? I made the mistake of clicking on a couple of alison's links at the blue blog. Oh, my! It doesn't help that Danger Girl is whispering in my ear, encouraging my propensity for new gadgets and new ideas and Another Adventure...and shouldn't we really check and make SURE that none of our LYS went out of business while we were away? It wouldn't hurt to LOOK, would it? On the way to the health food coop to buy Luna bars and vitamins of course...(ahem) can you guess which Santana song is featured on today's soundtrack? Fabulous Forsythia is blooming white outside my window...daffodils abound, and really, is there anything more heavenly than the smell of hyacinth? I think not.
The Pesky Project of the day is cleaning out the Daughter bird's closet and dresser drawers, helping her sort through her wardrobe. Mindless busywork, which will allow for many flights of fancy.
Must. Resist. Rowan 35.....

Where ARE we?

I woke up in the middle of the night and thought "hmmmm, the train must have stopped. I wonder where we are?" Looked out of the window and thought "that's ODD...." before realizing I could hear and see a train, but was no longer on it. One of the great features about this house is the ability to watch the trains from the upstairs windows.....*heh*
I hadn't expected this. Usually when I go somewhere, I am really ready to get back to my own nest, and always think how wonderful it is to have my OWN shower and the ability to navigate in the dark since I know where everything is...
That is no longer the case. I don't seem to know where anything belongs, especially ME.
Before you start to worry about me, please know that I am desperately TIRED. I am sharing my thought process here in the early morning hours because I think it will be very instructive in a week or so to look back and see how this FELT when it was raw and painful, and seemed so confusing....when of course it was really SO obvious....Most of the important transitions in my life are preceded by just this kind of awareness....and I regret not having kept track of the process in the past. My morning pages from those moments usually read something like..."I can't seem to put a finger on what is going on. I think I'll take a nap." Not this time, no siree Bob. My Moleskine is in danger of spontaneous combustion, or at the very least, reaching Critical Mass.
Yesterday I was forced to sit still, very very still, for several hours. I plopped down on the couch after unpacking all of the suitcases and loading up the laundry, intending to knit. Immediately the animals showed up, en masse. Tasha strategically placed herself ON my feet as the cats leapt into my lap. *You owe us five weeks of LAP time* they made it very clear...*you've had plenty of time to knit, it is time to rub our necks and sit still for awhile*. I had every intention of finishing the Isadora Duncan legwarmers and posting pictures, perhaps even venturing into the Beckyish land of Dance....twas not to BE.
At one point, when the washer had finished spinning, I went to stand up. Snowbell opened one eye and stopped purring just long enough to unsheath her claws. I swear I could hear the sound of a switchblade. CLICK *Don't even THINK about getting up off this couch. The laundry can wait.* Yes indeedy, the laundry waited. We all settled in to some deep breathing and meditation. No blood was shed. I may be tired, but I aint stooopid.
It was then I realized how I FELT.
giggle...I knit things, I wash them in hot water and I get FELT. This makes me giggle. I know I should get over it, but I simply cannot. All of the wordplay associated with FELT just makes me happy. Once the FEELING passes and becomes FELT, the result is a sturdy fabric, virtually impenetrable. Resistant to stormy, wet, windy weather and still breathable...oh I could go on and on...but fear not, I won't. Facile minds can continue this on their own, giggle amongst yourselves. Please. It is the only way to deal with things like returning to an empty nest. Learn something new, play with words, giggle at myself. Do the laundry...and oh yeah, a thousand words a day, five days a week, forever.
Works for me.

Off the top of my head...

I can't think of where to start....
Okay. I'm exhausted. Pulled into the station in the wee hours of the morning and slept only a little so I'm way too fuzzy to make much sense. Kinda like when you try to felt something with a high mohair content. *heh* Speaking of mohair, we have less. Daughter bird got an amazing haircut in Chicago, and looks so glamorous I can hardly stand it.
Seems way too weird that I won't just be doing laundry and hopping back on the next train for the first time in more than five weeks.....
The good news is that Tasha and the kitty cats are well and happy and recognized me. Thank God for the many abundant Blessings in my life....
and for KNITTING. Of which there has been lots, with no documented photographic evidence. Sorry about that. Most of it got gifted. (oh now THERE is a phrase to set off the grammar avenger alarms....)
Here are a few things I learned on this trip:
1) packing more than one pair of shoes (okay, Rachael, for Europe you need TWO) is a waste of space.
2) Ditto for dressy clothes.
3) Having a hot shower and a cup of good coffee and a public library with internet access is pretty much all I need....(as long as I have double pointed needles, some koigu, and a good book in my backpack)
4) Yarn stores make me happy.
5) Yarn doesn't weigh much.
6) Yarn can be used as a pillow, in a pinch.
7) Cell phone service is abysmal nearly everywhere....I thought it was just where I live.
8) Not having the phone ring makes for a blissful quiet in which knitting and reading are uninterrupted.
9) The world will not end if I cannot get to email, the blog, or my cell phone for a week or so.
10) Bald eagles are breathtaking in person, close up.
11) Doing laundry on the road can be complicated.
12) Train travel is by far the most civilized, sociable way to travel.
13) I missed the blogs the most.
Stay tuned for normal levels of synaptic firing, which should kick in, hopefully, SOON.....

Cautiously Optimistic

Okay, so those of you who know me at all know that I am ALWAYS optimistic. Over the top unrealistically optimistic at times, but still. My Mom, on the other hand,(other hand, other hand, though....) is cautious with a capital C and depends on me for any optimism. The "procedure" (we are not allowed to say surgery or use the o (oncology) word, and at NO point are we allowed to utter the dreaded C diagnosis.....sigh) went as well as can be expected. She is resting comfortably and in two weeks when the stitches come out they'll decide whether they got *IT* all.
I'd be doing the Happy Dance, myself, but she will probably spend the entire two weeks WORRYING that they didn't get it all and what if it is growing and OMG is that redness an infection?....I have all my life wished I could make my mother relax and smile and have a nice day.....
I'm the child of wishful thinking...
Okaay, time's up...we're off to see the Chicago River dyed green. They have parades that start today and last all week apparently. *hee*
Our fabulous travelling karma continues.