lifelong knitter

Connections

I spent what would have been my Daddy's birthday in HIS favorite place, doing what he did best....walking and thinking and marvelling at the wonder of the Universe. Last year at this time I felt bereft, adrift, LONELY, and sad. Far away from my homeland, disconnected. When we started this trip, daughter bird proclaimed it the *pilgrimage to the land of my mother's father* and the simple truth of that has washed over me and cleansed a very old wound.
This year I feel strong and centered and sure. I never used tothink anyone could fill my father's shoes. I know now that the important thing is to walk in his footsteps. I'm the one who can fill those shoes.....walk the WALK.
Before I get too far out there again, I wanted to tell you about the knitting I did in his honor. I knit a mobius in the moonlight and gave it as a gift, explaining the mathematical principle to the young birthday child...a strong independent athletic girl child of one of my dearest friends.
The beat goes on.....
so may it be!

Down the rabbit hole...

You kow the part, where Alice is asked to Explain Herself...and she replies that she can't explain, because she is NOT herself, at least not that she can remember....
Well, yes, that would be ME, at least I think it would be me, if I only knew which door to choose...hmmmmm, now let me see...
The good news (and if you know me by now, you know that there is ALWAYS the Good News *hee*) is that the Universe, in all of it's infinite wisdom, has chosen to allow me the opportnity to revisit 40 years of unfinished business. Once in a lifetime opportunity, this is, indeed. I have the ery real sense that until or unless I chose rightly this time I'll keep walking down the same side street and never make it into town.
To be even more vaguely metaphoric, this is a labyrinth (I've done years of study about labyrinths..walking them, and painting them, and writing about them..so Lord knows, I should be prepared for this, but STILL....) the likes of which I have never seen before.
The point of this journey of course is to ask a question, hold it in my heart, and simply walk in...alone. Meeting myself in the center, I fnd the answer I seek. The task at hand is to carry that answer out into the world and LIVE it, as fuly as is humanly possible.
If you are asking yourself at this point *GAD, could she be anymore obtuse?* Well yes, frankly, I can be. I know it is anoying, but I just can't be any other way. I just gotta be me...
OH, and in knitting news...there's been LOTS of it. Miles and miles of therapuetic prayer filled KNITTING.....cuz you know of course, that if you get lost in a labyrinth you have to unravel it all and follow our thread back to the beginning again.....
What was the question? OH YEAH...I can't explain myself you see, because I don't know myself or who I thought I was....can I get back to you on this one?
KNIT on, peeps! Through it all, KNIT on....

Winter storm warning

Snow is predicted down to 3000 feet in the CA mountains...so we'll be snuggled in our bunkie beds waiting for winter whiteness....
Hugs and Misses!

Quiet time

Woke up this morning to beautiful blue skies and sunny day.....(all you allman bros fans, sing it with me, now....) and counted my many abundant blessings. i love my Mom's house. It is perfect for her...very secluded and private with a view of the trees and the sky. Lovely and peaceful.
Except if you need cell phone service (of which there is absolutely ZERO, I can't even check my messages...) or a reliable fast internet connect....(shaky dial up, which is why these posts are short. I keep getting dumped off...) which makes me realize just how much time I spend every day *connected* electronically. Which is fabulous, and I can't wait to get back into that....but there is something so absolutely amazing about TALKING to my Mother for the first time in my adult life without any interruptions or pressing obligations. We knit, we cook dinner, we talk....nothing beeps or buzzes or pages me. WOW.

Good movie karma

It is a rainy, dreary day, so this afternoon after church, we're going to ANGEL'S CAMP to see MIRACLE in a renovated historic theatre...how's THAT for good, hopefull, karma? When the announcer says 'Do you believe in miracles?" let's all shout together....YES! cuz we need all the odds-defying, made for the movies intervention we can conjure. Late last night, after my mom and daughter bird went off to sleep, and I was
Snuggled in the bottom bunk listening to the rain pitter patting on the roof, I realized what an incredible blessing this is to Be Here NOW.
So may it be for each of you....

Skipping Stitches

We finally heard from my mom's doctor....(the one she LIKES) at the very end of the day. She patiently explained everything in great detail to my mom and answered all of her questions. Even though there will still be surgery, I watched her visibly relax as she checked off all the things she needed to know to get ready to face this. It was the strangest thing, sitting between my mother and my daughter (literally and figuratively speaking), being the Center. I'm calmer now that they are both more relaxed. We walked around this neighborhood where my Mom lives now and I was struck by how many of the things are just what i would choose....the solitude, the big trees, the community within a neighborhood. Oh, and when we walked up the hill to the equestrian center to visit the horses, she pointed out the straw bale art studio of one of the Artists in the community. Oh, glimpse of my future!
When we came back to the house and had some dinner and some chit chat, I finished what I was knitting and then she pulled out her knitting bag. There was the project she picked out in 2001 when we spent time together in pacific Grove! We laughed long and hard as I pulled it out and started working on it...she's BORED with it and so it was languishing as an unfinished object. Today we are going to do some interior decorating of her new kitchen and go out for pizza later. The path has come full circle. I am so blessed to be here to have this time with Mother and Daughter...hug your dear ones tightly and celebrate LOVE as always...

Positive

They didn't even wait until Monday...as soon as I got here last night, Mom checked her messages and the results are positive. Don't get me started on how I think there is a much better way to hear this kind of news than straight up on the answering machine....sigh. I'm glad I was here when she needed the support. We'll call today and find out all of the particulars and get things scheduled to move forward.
She, of course, wants me to go ahead and drive back down the hill to do Stitches and see my friends....I'm just not sure, yet. Gonna make a strong pot of coffee and get a shower and do a little knitting before they wake up...gad, this is going to be a rough ride. Be sure your seat belts are securely fastened. Keep your eyes on the road, senses on full alert. We'll need all the help we can get.

HUGS

I'm here at my MOM's! We're catching up on all the news and I just wrapped her in the scarf I knit for her after stopping at Uncommon Threads...Two skeins of SPLASH, in mermaid colors, with prayers in every stitch! Speaking of Stitches...I'm not gonna be able to make the breakfast bash....but I'll be there at some point....thank you ALL so much for the prayers and hugs. Much appreciated, and much needed!

Somtimes you feel like a nut...

Sometimes you don't.
Before I left on this grand adventure, I had this "feeling". A vaguely disturbing, insistent feeling that I had to see my Mother before, well, before I might not have another chance. I tried not to articulate what I was really *knowing*. I spoke to my Mom last night and told her we'd be coming to see her Saturday morning. "Are you going to stay for awhile?" she asked, rather shakily..."Well, yeah, Mom, as long as you need. What's happening?" Before she said a word I KNEW. When she started the conversation with "Well, dear I didn't want to BOTHER you but...." the hair on the back of my neck stood up. The biopsy results will be back Monday. I'll be there to go with her to whatever appointments she has to discuss the options. sigh. This is a recurrence of a particularly insidious form of skin cancer. For the original diagnosis and surgery, etc, et all, I was three thousand miles away and had to get most of my information second or third hand. I wasn't so worried then. I knew it was going to be alright and that she was in really good hands. THis time I need to be there. To advocate, to support, to counsel.So, if you see me at Stitches on Friday and I look like a donut (chocolate filled and glazed over) give me a hug. I need all the Healing Power I can muster for this one.
Light your mama candles....Danger Girl is in the house!

What's not to LOVE?

O.M.G. Daughter bird and I went back to my LYS from 12 years ago. WE walked in and she exclaimed *MOM,it's just the same...there's the rocking sheep I used to ride....* The woman behind the counter looked up and without missing a beat said, it had been awhile, where was my son, Joey? I almost fell over. When I told her it had been TWELVE years, she couldn't believe it. We chit chatted about this and that and the price of koigu and tea in China...and I caught her up on all of the news about the kids and she got all teary and said how brave she always thought I was....sigh.
You can go home again, folks. Just click your ruby slippers together....
oh, and if you are ever in Los Altos...go to Uncommon Threads. They ROCK!