Happy New Year!

At the risk of crossing the line into the Land of Hyperbole....this is the beginning of a whole new life for me. Every year I review the list from the past year and set new Impossible Goals for myself. For the last twenty years these goals have been reflective of the fact that my primary persona was Advocate Mother Therapist. I was always preaching the sermon of Inclusivity. On someone else's behalf. For twenty years before THAT, I learned to say YES to try and make someone else happy (not that it ever really worked, mind you...there are some people who simply know no other way than negativity and self imposed misery)..and somewhere out in that back 40, I lost my essential self.
Beginning the blog was an attempt to find my authentic voice. It is very upsetting to those who wish to keep hearing me say yes to try and make them happy. Newsflash. Nobody else can MAKE you happy. You have the choice each day, same as everybody else....
I am choosing this as the Year to finally Follow My Heart. I am setting my Intention to take tender loving care of Myself for a change. I am not becoming a follower of Narcissus, I simply intend to let go of the quest for Perfection by someone else's standards and just be who I really AM.
I have a long list of things I've always wanted to do. I spent yesterday writing them down.
On the Knitting List:
I intend to make myself a traditional Scandanavian sweater and learn how to do STEEKS.
I intend to design and publish my own original pattern. (This is already in the works!)
I intend to buy all of the yarn required to make a luscious sweater I covet, and then actually knit it for myself. Wear it with great delight and say "Why YES, actually, I knit this myself...isn't it fabulous?" No more of this nonsense about how I don't deserve any more yarn because I already have some.
There is a Writing List and a Music List and an Art List....and the common theme is Learning Something New. Something that thrills my soul and allows Danger Girl to emerge from the shadows. Meaningful productive work, in the service of Compassionate Devotion, in a community of people who honor me for who I am....the things I work tirelessly for other people to have as a basic right, I now want for myself as well. I'm going to stop worrying about what someone else might think about what I write here. OK OK, I am going to TRY and begin to learn how to worry less about what someone else might think....and folks, here's the biggest deal:
I need help with these things, and for the first time in my life I am going to ASK for help when I need it. I am not going to do my "don't worry about me, I'm fine thanks, how can I help YOU" schtick anymore. I know for instance, that I am going to panic when it comes to CUTTING into the knitting I have done, but instead of saying oh well look, I really wanted a pullover without sleeves (oh what cute little hot water bottle for a GIFT,anyway,yeah, right.) I'm going to ASK FOR HELP.
Please bear with me.
Namaste.

Comments

[Larry]

I missed you! I thought you were perfect already. This is going to be an amazing year. Seriously, I admire you no end. Oh, and good luck.

[Beth S.]

Greta, you are on the verge! May you get to the other side, and SHINE! :-)

Looking forward to the steeks. I might just knit along with you, quietly...

[annie]

Greta,
Your post could be my post. I am with you and rooting for you. Perhaps the cyber-cheering will help us all find/get what we need :)
Happy New Year!!

PS- my blog will be premiering shortly...look for it at http://knittygritty.spatterdash.org

[Melissa]

Happy New Year Greta! Looking forward to see what you do in 2004.

[Daisy-Winifred]

May the year 2004 be one of intent found in heart, mind and at fingertips for you. May the new be the always known but oft times forgotten for sake of others, may the learning be life and its living in peace and the love you have discovered of that true self,locked away for far too long, bring you much joy and moments of sheer happiness. Be gentle on your self :0) you have years of unfolding ahead, aint that wonder-full! It's only in the need that the want is really lost.

[Christy]

Good for you, Greta. You are an amazing woman- can't wait to see what the new year brings!
Sending thoughts and prayers your way to aid in your journey!
Smiles!

[Sharlene]

You sound very positive and happy--great way to start the New Year! I would love to learn steeks too. No classes out my way though, so I keep thinking I'll have to do it by the book. Scary, but I know you can do it!

[lillium]

It's a difficult road - the one that takes us to realizing we are people too. People who need pampering, tender care, etc. But if we give out and give out we can literally GIVE OUT. Been there, done that - there is wisdom in beginning to care for ourselves. I agree - this doesn't mean we are causing the world to revolve around us - just recognizing we are in it and have needs. Last year I began swimming - for me. Last year someone (I wonder who????) encouraged me to begin down the knitting path. This year I plan on growing in both areas AND this year I plan on beginning the book I've always wanted to write - for me if no one else. "No - I can't" IS a reasonable response. Happy New Year Greta!

[Christine]

As always, you manage to express the feelings that many of us carry, but rarely bring into the light.
Wishing you a happy, blessed, and creatively inspired New Year!

[Rachael]

I'm with Larry, I already know you're AMAZING just the way you are, but it's inspiring to hear your knitting list and read these words. Will you share more of your lists as you feel comfortable?

I love that when I visit you here I leave a better person.

love to you.

[Catherine]

Amen, my friend, this is The Year. Though my year doesn't involve steeks, I am with you on much of it. Go forth and kick butt.

[Catherine]

Amen, my friend, this is The Year. Though my year doesn't involve steeks, I am with you on much of it. Go forth and kick butt.

[Megan]

As a mother of 3 young ones, my time is not my own in many ways, and I am on call 24/7! Thank you for reminding me that it's OK, nay necessary to make time for ME on the treadmill, Me taking care of my face and nails, and ME spending time with DH, not talking about the kids! Bless you for the person you already and the one you will become. I look forward to your metamorphosis, and my own as well!Megan

[Debbie]

You're welcome to learn from my misteeks -- have already started with similar knitting goals. They are probably the easiest to realize! Knowing others have similar issues in other areas is really encouraging. You have fellow travelers along the Yellow Brick Road.

[Bliss]

I'm rooting for you! Whispers...I wanna learn to steek too.

[claudia]

Greta, I would be more than happy to assist you in Cutting Steeks Fearlessly. Happy New Year!